Swine flu. Run for my life!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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