It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
