He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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