nut hugger
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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