But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
