I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
