dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
