oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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