Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
