I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
