My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
