Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
