I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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