I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
