Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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