the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
