And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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