you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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