Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We named our party play list daddy issues
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
