My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This is the high leading the old right now
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
