If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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