You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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