reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
