it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
