she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
