i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
