On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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