he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
