apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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