I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
