i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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