end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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