So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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