ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
