shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
