Porn is love you can see.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
