Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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