I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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