he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
