Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
