i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
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