And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
