What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
