Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
