I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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