Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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