We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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