I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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