A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
