i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
