I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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