why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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